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B2B Журнал
18.11.2016 | Лидия Соколова

The second happiness in business

part 1        part 2       part 3          part 4




As you know, not all people perceive arrogance as a positive trait. Before making any categorical changes to your behavior, you should assess the situation in which the consequences of your new, "cheeky" behavior will be realized. Evaluate whether perseverance bordering on shamelessness is really appreciated in your immediate environment and company. Perhaps, in your working situation, on the contrary, the ability to calmly, insinuatingly convince is highly appreciated. 


Businesswoman for the record


The attitude of the environment to the manifestations of your newfound arrogance depends on whether you are a man or a woman. Comments Aviva Wittenberg-Cox, Executive Director of "20-first", one of the leaders in the field of gender-differentiated consulting, author of the course "How women see business".

"I warn my listeners that in business, women who demand what they want are perceived negatively. They are called bitches. There is an idea that the female style of leadership and business communication in general should be soft.

Professor Amez supports this position:

"Women in business seem to be given less freedom in advance. Men get away with it more."

Conclusion: first calculate the consequences of your new behavior, and only then change it towards the manifestation of healthy arrogance. 

Success inventory

Evaluate the level of arrogance that you possess. You can do it yourself or ask others to give you comments. Zander suggests starting with this question to yourself: "Are you ready to talk to anyone about what you want?"Most, answering this question, stipulate certain conditions. This means that they have to overcome fear when they need to fully express their opinion. Professor Amez offers to fill out a special questionnaire, which he calls an inventory of ways to achieve success. These questionnaires allow us to conclude how effective your communication style is. After that, he suggests the following procedure, implying intensive self-control. During a certain period of time (several weeks or a month) before a discussion/meeting/negotiations/sales, ask yourself: "What exactly do I want from this situation?"After the communication situation is exhausted, ask yourself about the results: "Did I manage to achieve what I wanted?"Thus, you will be able to record your successes on the crust. Based on the findings of success, it will be easier for you to change or adapt your communication style by adding the necessary elements. Although it is sometimes difficult to objectively assess one's own behavior. Professor Amez emphasizes: "There is a very weak connection between what we think we are doing and what others see. Sometimes it just happens to match. Not more often than sometimes." Therefore, it is useful to ask colleagues about how your behavior looks from the outside. You need to get a 360-degree view, as the training specialists say.



What goals do you set?


Perhaps, based on the results of an assessment of your abilities, you will find that you are often timid and do not dare to insert a weighty word in situations when you should. Ask yourself why this is happening. Why are you silent? Next time, before you find yourself in a similar situation, mentally rehearse everything you need to say in advance. Experts advise setting goals not abstract, but concrete, with precise time frames. For example, set aside a week for yourself to have three "difficult" conversations with colleagues. Or tell yourself that over the next two weeks, every time you find yourself in a discussion in the team, you are obliged to clearly express your position. Scientists recommend: "Focus on almost virtual, artificially created changes, and then you will come to real changes." Have achieved local success – feel free to set a more ambitious goal. Does it go no further? Change your approach. Amez recommends switching to a game format. But this is a completely different story ...


Adaptation and long-term business relationships


People are silent when they could say something weighty, for three reasons. They are uncomfortable in a discussion situation. They are unfamiliar with the participants in the discussion. They are afraid that their colleagues will think badly of them.

Professor Amez shares his experience of working with shy people:

"Communication conditions are very important. Keep this in mind and try to improve your informal ties, establish friendly relations with unfamiliar colleagues. It's very helpful to get to know these people outside of work." Active communication with employees allows you to remove barriers that hinder communication. It will be easier for you to express your opinion if you are surrounded by familiar, friendly people.


Stay yourself


Deliberately demonstrating your newfound arrogance can be difficult, because there is a sense of the unnatural nature of what is happening.

Remember, acquired arrogance is not a result, but a process. You do not change your character, but intentionally make a certain choice of behavior in the right situations. "If you show arrogance, you will not have to feel that you are imitating coldness in interpersonal relationships. Do not forget that there are times when you can achieve your goal only by showing friendliness and empathy," Amez assures. Look for your own style, don't try to mimic. This is especially important for women. It is irrational for a woman to behave like a man. As well as you should not try to be arrogant in any life situation every day. You can show the ability to compete and achieve your goals when required. And you can relax and show affection when it is more useful.


As already mentioned, there is a fine line here - you need to know exactly when you cross it, otherwise you will be associated with bullying in the workplace. Experts warn that excessive arrogance is perceived as a desire to go over their heads or as vanity. Therefore, it is necessary to carefully monitor how your behavior affects the feelings of other people.

"The consequences of excessive arrogance do not appear immediately. If you raised your voice to a subordinate, he may do everything as you said. But when he comes home, he will most likely update his resume," says Amez. Make sure that your efforts and your pressure have a positive motive. Impudence meets with the greatest encouragement when it serves the common goals of the working group. 


The main thing about healthy arrogance


What to do

Evaluate your level of arrogance and try to always get feedback


Set intermediate goals and gradually make changes in your behavior


Establish constructive relationships with colleagues outside of work, then it will be easier to express your opinion


What not to do

NO need to assume that arrogance is always good. Relationships in the company are of great importance.


There is NO need to try to copy someone's behavior, because you can change while remaining yourself


DO NOT try to compensate for your timidity: you can overdo it. Strive for a balance between arrogance and affability.